This afternoon it is cool and the sky is grey. After many weeks of drought it finally rained. The calendar shows Saturday, 3 December 2011. I am sitting at my desk and I think back over my life. I am now 47 years old. Had I not joined Sri Chinmoy’s path, I would have died 21 years ago. My body is still very weak and I cannot work at a regular job, but most of the time I am cheerful and very grateful to still be alive. The morning depression that I suffered with for the first 15 years of my discipleship due to my karma is a thing of the past. If ever I wake up in a bad mood it disappears by the time I finish my morning meditation. I feel a certain inner balance and poise, a feeling of security and a deep trust in God that is now part of my daily life despite my body’s limitations. These are the fruits of my 24 years of daily meditation.
Despite all that, my health is still fluctuating – sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. It seems that I am still dealing with my karma despite the great length of time. During a Christmas Trip to Sri Lanka Sri Chinmoy told his students that he can take 50 – 90% of the karma of his disciples. How many times Sri Chinmoy eased my own karma!. (Photo: Sri Chinmoy)
This year the old weakness returned to my body. After only simple tasks I could again feel major pain in my liver, to the point that the most I could do was very light work like editing on a computer, broken by frequent periods of rest. And at night I would spend my time lying down in a relaxing chair and resting. If I ever worked a little too hard and my discomfort got out of hand, I would rest and normally I would feel well by the next morning. Once it happened that I did not recover by the next day, on the contrary it got worse. I felt extremely weak, my liver felt raw and I simply felt very unwell, despite taking the homeopathic remedy that would normally always help. I sat down at my meditation shrine and prayed spontaneously like a child for help. After a brief period of time I felt deep inner peace rising through me and a few minutes later all the pain and discomfort had disappeared and I felt very well.
Such an experience I had quite a few times when Sri Chinmoy was still alive – once in April 1989 when Sri Chinmoy was visiting Munich. I had a massive headache while driving to the Hilton Hotel, where Sri Chinmoy was going to honor a Nobel laureate in physics. Suddenly I felt deep inner peace and my headache totally disappeared. After arriving at the hotel, as I stood a few meters away from Sri Chinmoy for the first time in my life and he looked into my eyes, I felt the same inner peace for a few moments.
Four years ago in October 2007, Sri Chinmoy passed away and his body left this earthly abode. I can from personal experience confirm the following statement of Sri Chinmoy published in the book Beyond the Curtain of Eternity: “Your Guru made a promise to you. No matter where he goes after leaving the earth, he will be within you and with you to help you, even if you stay on earth for another 40 or 50 years. In this case, it is just like having two rooms. There are two rooms with a door in between. One room is life and the other room is death. Ordinary people cannot open the door. But the Guru can easily open the door and see you.”.
Munich, December 2011